Cookie Tuminello’s Personal Story
– AHA Moment
FROM FEAR TO FREEDOM
As women we all struggle with being people pleasers, but as Southern women your worth is measured by it. I think it's a gene we get at birth. Add to that, my full-blooded Italian, Catholic roots and you have a "gotta feel guilty to feel good" double whammy.
Don't get me wrong, I'm very proud of my heritage. I come from a very close knit, passionate, Italian Catholic family that I dearly love. However, because I was taught to be a nurturer and server from birth, it took me a lot longer (50 years to be exact), to figure out what I wanted and where I was going.
Like many Italian girls, I married early at age 19. Two children and 11 years later, I was divorced, dazed, and feeling like a failure. With a family to support, I got a job and started over. Five years later, I met and married the man of my dreams. After only 14 months of wedded bliss, I unexpectedly became a young widow at 36. Even though I was numb with grief, giving up was not an option. Unfortunately, I knew this scenario well. My own mother became a widow at 46.
After several attempts to find my place, I started my own image consulting business. After many years of burying myself in my work and family, I began to question a lot of things in my life.
A friend knew I was struggling and suggested I attend a personal development workshop with her. My life was changed forever. The defining moment for me was when the coach asked me to stop and "check in" - I thought he meant the hotel! I had no idea I'd been living my life so cluelessly and unconsciously. I finally got "it". And "it" was three powerful revelations. They were:
•...I had choices.
•...I had to please myself first before I could please others.
•...I had to take back my power.
As a result of these amazing revelations, I climbed out of the deep hole I had dug for myself. I became a coach and started my own company at 50. Some of us take a little longer than others to get "it".
After I took that first big step, I thought, "OK, now what?"
The problem with people pleasing is that it's woven into the fabric of your life and into the expectations of others. Once you make the choice to climb out of that deep, dark hole, the universe is going to challenge you every day to see if you're really serious.
Even though I was considered a gutsy Southern lady, people pleasing had diminished me. It had squelched my passion, my power, my purpose, and my dreams. Most importantly, it had taken away my precious freedom.
The time had come for me to reclaim the pieces of myself that I'd given away throughout my life. It was time to take back my power.
I now had to identify the "it" that was holding me back. "It" was?
•...I was afraid to ask for what I wanted.
•...I was afraid to say "NO".
•...I was afraid to set boundaries.
•...I was afraid to charge more for your services.
And why was I so afraid?
Well, my history, my traditions, and my parents had taught me well how to be "seen and not heard", Yes Ma'am and Yes Sir. Now I had to risk not being liked. To illustrate, when I started my coaching business, it was suggested that I use my given name, Beverly, because it sounded more professional than Cookie. And of course, believing others knew more than I did, I acquiesced. After about a year, I was having a major identity crisis with the name thing. I had been nicknamed "Cookie" since birth and that's all anyone had ever called me plus I liked it. I decided to risk not being liked. Hence, Success Source was born, featuring yours truly, Cookie Tuminello, Success Coach. Ah, I felt whole again. And off I went to claim my place as a successful business woman and help other Southern women do the same.
The good news about climbing out of the people pleasing hole and up the ladder of success is that the more you apply what you learn, the more you grow and the more confident you become.
I learned that the difference between success and merely surviving was the ability to discover and recognize my own core values (those things I hold most dear), and then integrate them into every aspect of my personal and professional life.
Remember my first two revelations? Well, this brings me to my third revelation:
Owning The Power Within.
What a revelation finally waking up and realizing I had all the tools I needed to be successful right inside of me. I just needed to learn how to use them. What a relief! I thought that was a gene I didn’t get at birth.
From that moment on, I have dedicated myself to helping other CEO’s, Executives, Managers, Teams, and Business Owners become more confident, more productive, more profitable, delegate more effectively, and create realistic expectations for themselves and their team members. Since then, I've worked with hundreds of private clients, spoken in front of countless groups, and have created my own Team Up With Cookie Coaching Programs that every professional needs to know to be successful NOW.
